What Kind of Decent Blog Doesn't Mention BACON Every So Often?

And here it is people:
Smack your lips together for a hot plate of sizzley-crisp, crackling-hot, old-tymey, crazy-making, grease-squirting...the one, the only...BACON!
(And His BACON-LOVERS' MARCHING BAND!)

Ugh.

WAG-SPLOSION!

So I've recently discovered that I tend to date or get involved with WAGs--Weird Alone Guys--a term invented by a friend-of-a-friend, who is a self-proclaimed WAG.
Chances are, if we've ever dated, you're a WAG or a WAG-to-be (Future WAG) or a WAG-wisher (WAG Wannabe)?

I'm not sure what this says about WAGs and the Women Who Date Them, but WAGs don't have co-pilots. They will always and forever be ALONE. Thus the name.

This is certainly something to look at and analyze more closely...so go right ahead.

Great. So now I get to be murdered in my own home!

I was putting my contacts in this morning --yes I am Old School in the Seeing Eye Department--And, unable to see or defend myself, with one precious contact lens perched delicately on one hand and bottle of saline solution grasped tightly in the other, I heard the lock to the outside door being wiggled and jimmeyed and someone trying to break in...The dog was making noises, though they were low, I couldn't tell whats...not barking, but strangled perhaps and choking on her own blood. Etc.

And honestly my first thought --fueled by sheer terror and utter annoyance both was, "Great. So now I get to be murdered in my own home."

Apparently this was not the case as my roommate, the beardo, had simply left the key in the mailbox which he does sometimes to flirt.

Part Ten in our lesson plan consists of how not to terrorize your roommate. But we will never get to lesson ten. We always seem to stop at Lesson Four: Flirting.

Can we get some new reading material please? Better and sharper tools, cave-people, that's what I'm asking for!

Let's make better tools and then let's use them!