The Zoo

My Housemate, Mister Wifi is taking his kindergarten class to the Los Angeles Zoo today for a field trip. I suspect they're going to watch hot little monkeys lilting in the heat and falling off their poles.

And speaking of poles, another friend was telling us that she took a class-full of first graders to the zoo and there was a Zebra with a giant hard-on that the kids were pointing at and asking about...Ugh.

And it was just RIDICULOUS in size. Double ugh.

I hate when that Zebra comes over and asks to use my email, as if he doesn't have his own, and I go to the store or something and come back and he's sitting all shirtless and nervous-looking.

Then, I see that my Spam Folder is WIDE open and all my secret stash of Penile Enlargement emails rifled through, my credit card by my phone, my phone dialed to some crazy 800 number and the earbud in that goddamned Zebra's giant, dirty ear. And he's all "ummm...I was just making a few phone calls..."

Apparently also at our fine local zoo, it IS NOT advisable to look the gorilla in the eye, or he'll fling his poo at you.

Apeshitz, meet Lipshitz, my close friend and attorney for years...

Next show at 3:00.