Panty Sniffers and You: A Field Guide

As the month rolls up when i must sublet Ye Olde Frat-House Roome, I consider how the world can be divided into two-types of people:

Anyone who thinks there are only two types of people and everyone else who knows better--to paraphrase a favorite author.

OR, (For the sake of a more interesting conversation), let's just say the Pro and Non Panty-Sniffing Sets.

I'll break it down a little further though--just to prove that I get the spectrum of human diversity:

1. Panty-Sniffers
a. Subtype A
b. Subtype B
c. Subtype C
(Ad Infinitum)

2. Non Panty-Sniffers
a. The Moral Opposition
b. The Extremely Occupied
c. Former Sniffers Who "Got Burned and Learned"
d. The Extremely Boring
e. The Highly Naive
f. The Very Wise
g. All the Rest

As you can see, there are more people for it than against it, thus my dangerous room-rental quandry:

Do I wash all of my underwear first?
Bury it in the yard?
Hydroponically Freeze it in laboriously vacuum-sealed, labeled-and arranged-by-date (reverse chronologically) high-tech, futuristic sandwich baggies?

OR WHAT?